roller coaster ride

8 weeks of holidays will be over in 1 hour and 45 minutes. The day brought up a wide range of feelings and emotions in me. Emotions I did not expect, which overwhelmed me.

Feeling terribly homesick was the first one. I did not feel that homesick in the last 13 months or I was probably always too busy to let the feelings come through. My weekends were always booked in advance; I knew when I would visit my (first) home Tyrol, my family and old friends. My days were always full with work and planned free time. In the last days I had tons of random, free, not-planned-in-any-way time. I did not know what I was up to when I woke up and let the day develop itself in its own direction. A lot of time to start thinking, to start thoughts I consciously suppressed the rest of my holidays as I just wanted to enjoy the present and not reflect about the past or spinning thoughts on the future.

These thoughts brought it up – I live now in Switzerland not just for a temporary time period of 1 year, but for a bit longer I guess. I am not longer living in Austria, I will only be a visitor, I cannot just drive over to see my family for an hour or so for a longer time period. And this hit me big time! My parents also planned to come to Zurich to see the city and where I live here. But due to the flooding in Austria and the destroyed roads and train connection between Tyrol and Vorarlberg this was not possible and they had to cancel. I cried like a baby today, cried over missing my family so much, not having good friends in Zurich yet, over feeling grown up in a way but still like a kid the other. My boyfriend just sat there, held my hand, handed me tissues, hugged me and made me cup of tea and said I should let it all out. Hours later I phoned up my parents, nice little chat about what to cook, the weather and what everybody did the day. Feeling better.

Second emotion – total relaxation. Sunbathing at lake Zurich, the warmth on my skin, soft warm wind encircled me, I felt protected, not thinking, just relaxing. A swim in the lake, feeling the fresh water, feeling my body gliding through the water, the small waves from the boats, listening to the nearly silent moves of swans and ducks that passed by me.

Finally curiosity. How will tomorrow be? My first morning with Accenture… picking up my notebook, getting to know the office, the other new hires, more info about my 3,5 weeks in Frankfurt. How will the seminar be?

One person once told me feeling something be it good or bad is a gift because you feel that you are alive I can only confirm this. Although today was a roller coaster ride I felt myself living and this is what life should be about shouldn’t it?