back in Tyrol - home again?

Since last Thursday I am back in Tyrol at my parents place. It seems like a curse, everytime I went home this year we had bad weather ;). So 3/4 of the clothes in my suitcase are still clean... as they are summer clothes and too cold to wear - which on the other side is good as I don't have to wash them. Today, after cold days and a lot of rain the sun is slowely coming out.

Every time I am going back to Tyrol, I feel a bit weird and every time I get like a smal culture shock again. Back at my parents place, where my twin sister still lives (well she works in a school just 10 minutes away and we have a really huge house... she has like her own apartment in the house) and for the time being also my younger sister, I often feel like a different person, with different habits and often also thrown back into my old habits, behaviors and 'old' me again.

For example, I eat differently, I am hungry at different times of the day, I eat more sweets as my parents have always chocolate, ice cream or cake in the house. I never buy a bar of chocolate for myself in Switzerland and except ice cream I hardly stock sweets in the flat.
I also feel differently walking down the main road in the city. I have to be attentive and look more at who is also walking there as I could pass by someone I know from school and it is rude if you don't say hi. In Zurich I enjoy the anonymity of the city, move freer, don't care so much about what other people think who see me.

I also always feel torn coming back, ask myself the question where do I belong to, where is my home? I am Austrian by birth but inside me there is a mix of Austrian, Irish and Swiss culture now. At the moment I live in Zurich and I love living there. Seeing pictures of Dublin and Ireland again, my heart says go there and feel the vibe of the city again. Back in Tyrol, I enjoy the calmness and the quietness of the place. Nearly no noise, no trams passing by the house, nature all around me. I enjoy evenings with my oldest friends here, chatting about life, where it leads us to, about love, men and other things. Just for the moment it feels not right for me to stay here and live my whole life here.

In the last days, I emptied my room in my parents house, so my sister can use it, as I am anyway just there for some weekends and 1 week visits. It hurted to empty it, go through all the stuff which accumulated over years, to throw things away and back everything into boxes. Parts of it I move to Zurich mid August, parts of it stays in the house in a storage room.
And my mum did not really make it easier for me. She was shocked seeing me packing my stuff and seeing me moving out - as she says. Well I said to her, I moved out 2 years ago actually, when I moved to Innsbruck. She said then, yes but I always hoped that you move in again. I answered, I am 24, I will not move in again.
It breaks my heart to see her suffer, everytime on the platform of the train station when I leave she nearly has tears in her eyes.

Still I have to live my life and do what is good for me. At the moment this is living in Zurich, starting a new job there. Moving back to Tyrol now and living here would make me very sad at the moment, as it is just not the life I feel like living now.